Do you use any sort of play for emotional release (therapy spanking, etc)? Is it something you ask for or something your partner suggests?
I had never even thought of play being used for emotional release, until it just happened. I still don’t know if my Dom intentionally did it or it just surprised him as well.
I was having a really, really bad time with a ton of things. Naturally I was internalizing everything. I was in a mood when we began playing. I wanted to play. I wanted the intimacy of play and to be close to him. I also wanted to please him. I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach orgasm for him. I just knew it.
He took me over his knee and spanked me with his hand. I counted each spank. Thirty of them. As he neared the end of the spanking me, I felt something inside wanting to break free. Of course, I was being extremely stubborn and kept swallowing it back down. I was refusing to acknowledge that even though he was spanking me for his pleasure, it was allowing me a much needed emotional release.
After I was spanked, well, I’ll spare you the details, but I orgasmed four times under him. As I begged to cum on the third orgasm, I could feel the tears rolling down my face. When I came the fourth time, the tears turned into gasping sobs.
If my Dom was shocked or worried about my reaction, he didn’t show it. He just held me until I cried myself out. That was the most cathartic play session ever. I never realized play could give me that sort of emotional release. It was an amazing new experience for me.
He and I are no longer together, but I thank him for teaching me that. Even if that wasn’t his intent, it was really something special. There are times now when I long to be able to have that kind of release again instead of harming myself emotionally as I am prone to do.
Do you have an opt-out/safeword when it comes to correction/discipline/punishment? Are those negotiable things?
I don’t have a safeword for punishment, but punishment has to be clearly discussed before being administered. This is non-negotiable for me.
(I think I’ve talked about this in another SCC post, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.)
I like rules. I like knowing there will be punishments/corrections if I violate those rules. At the same time though, I need to understand exactly why or how I violated the rule. I want it spelled out. Then I want it spelled out as to what the punishment is. Even if I already know, I need there to be a discussion.
I’ve mentioned before that I was in an abusive relationship for far too long. Once you’ve been hit and beat for no apparent reason for other than breathing the wrong way, it really makes you think twice before allowing someone to spank you.
At first, I never though I would be able to be spanked. For some reason, I really enjoy it. I enjoy therapeutic spankings, just because spankings, and punishment spankings. However, all of those are administered with my consent.
I remember a time when I was with a previous Dom. He told me I was going to be punished for something. I was really upset by it, because I truly felt I had done nothing wrong. I told him that I would accept my punishment if he felt it was warranted, but I needed to know why. He explained why he felt I should be punished. I explained why I felt I shouldn’t be punished.
I was glad we discussed because he misinterpreted something I said. In the end, he agreed that I should not have been punished because of a misunderstanding. Even if he hadn’t come to that conclusion, I would have accepted the punishment if he felt I still deserved it because we discussed it. Had he punished me without us having the conversation, I know I would have resented him for it.
I know some Doms and even subs would disagree with my need to have an opt-out or discussion before punishment. I can see that side of it. However for me, the discussion is something I need to be able to understand things. It’s not something I use to get out of a punishment. It’s what I use to protect myself so I don’t resent my Dom or feel abused.
If I ever felt that resentful or abused by my Dom, then that’s the end of the relationship for me. The consent for a punishment whether spanking or other avenue is extremely important to me. It’s something I will not bend on.